Roses are Red, My Mood is Blue

Valentine’s Day

A day that perpetually makes single people feel either disgusted or depressed. But what about when you’re in a relationship and you still feel both of these things. This year Valentine’s Day is especially weird and emotional for me, for reasons I won’t get into right now. But it’s left me feeling almost single – but without the entitlement to complain about it.

So this year I’m focusing on Self Love. Let me share some things with you….

Most of those who know me, know that I suffered from a pretty serious eating disorder for the past 16 years. More than half my life. Well recently, I’ve recovered. For the first time in my adult life I ate over 1,000 calories in a day and I felt damn good about it. I feed myself properly (vegan and carbed the fuck up) and I work out every day and holy fuck does that feel like something I’d never achieve. It’s unreal. So I try to focus on that, seeing as it’s probably the greatest achievement of my lifetime.

Speaking of the gym – I go now! Believe it or not, I’m actually quite infatuated with going to the gym now and how it makes me feel.

Last but certainly not least – I’ve made friends. I’ve decided that I need to stop holding myself back and be open to the possibility that people are not, in fact, as shitty as they may seem. I’ve spent some amazing time with my friends over at Drunk In A Graveyard (go check out their blog!!!) and my entire fitness journey would be going nowhere without a new friend in my program. Just such a lovely human. I don’t recall a time before now I felt so connected to and supported by the people around me.

So yes, I’m very sad today. But I love who I’m becoming and that’s enough to reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Alone or otherwise. xox

What do you love about yourself?

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